Figures produced by the Office for National Statistics show that loneliness is on the increase. 45% of adults in England feel lonely occasionally, sometimes or often. This equates to more than 25 million people, an those in retirement are particularly prone to it.
A new study shows that social isolation has negative impacts on health and life expectancy. The researchers say it’s particularly important to have a network of friends in your 40s and 50s. So what can you do to build one?
A common mistake that people make when planning for retirement is that they focus too much on a single aspect of it, namely the financial aspect.
Of course, it is hugely important to ensure you have enough money to maintain your desired lifestyle, and, crucially, that you won’t run out of money before you die. But having sufficient funds is just one condition that has to be met to enjoy a fulfilling retirement.
It’s also very important, in the run-up to retirement, to look after your physical and mental health. There is no point in building a large retirement pot if you only live for a few more years after finishing work, or if you aren’t fit enough to enjoy the freedom that comes with no longer having to earn a living.
But another vital component of a successful retirement that is often overlooked is human connection. One of the benefits of being in work is that it provides us with companionship and a sense of belonging. If you don’t have relationships outside of work, you can soon feel lonely once those connections have gone. This is especially true for those who move to a different part of the country when their working lives end.
Inevitable facts of life
It’s inevitable that, as we get older, our children move away and we also lose our parents. From our 50s onwards, we increasingly find ourselves attending friends’ funerals. And, as anyone who’s experienced it will tell you, losing your life partner is one of the biggest challenges that people ever have to face.
According to Age UK, more than two million people in England over the age of 75 live alone, and more than one million older people go for a month or more without speaking to anyone.
Research conducted by the Campaign to End Loneliness found that around 17% of older people are in contact with family, friends and neighbours less than once a week, and 11% are in contact less than once a month.
Loneliness, however, isn’t just taking a toll on the happiness of retirees; it’s also affecting their health. Social isolation has been linked to a number of negative health outcomes, including an increased risk of depression, anxiety and cognitive decline. It can also increase the risk of mortality.
Friends in middle age are key
This link between loneliness and ill-health in later life is highlighted in a new study published by the British Medical Journal. The most notable finding is that, from a health perspective, it’s in our 40s and 50s that we particularly need to prioritise our personal relationships.
The study was conducted by researchers at the University of Queensland and examined data from almost 8,000 Australian women over a period of 20 years. When the study began in 1996, the women were aged between 45 and 50 and were in generally good health. Every three years they reported their level of satisfaction with their different social relationships — with their partners, family members, friends and work colleagues.
Those who reported the lowest satisfaction levels had double the risk of developing multiple conditions compared with those who reported the highest levels of satisfaction with their relationships. The conditions included cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, osteoporosis and arthritis.
The researchers said the results highlight “the benefits of starting or maintaining high quality and diverse social relationships throughout middle to early old age”.
So, what can we do in middle age to strengthen our social relationships?
I certainly wouldn’t claim any expertise in this area. I realised some time ago that I was too focused on my work and had started to neglect existing friendships; nor was I investing enough time and effort in forming new ones. I’m pleased to say I’ve since redressed the balance to some extent, but it’s still a work in progress.
Here, however, are six ideas from people who are experts that you might like to think about.
1. Have different types of friends
Apart from liking each other, the essential components of friendship are mutual respect, trust and shared time together. But there are no rules regarding friendship. We all look for different things in a friend, and, as the University of Queensland researchers say, it’s good to have a wide range of different types of friends. So, for example, we should all have friends at work, people to go out and have fun with, and close confidantes we can share our innermost feelings with.
2. Show some vulnerability
Developing friendships, particularly close ones, can make us feel vulnerable. At the root of it is a fear of rejection. But, as psychologist Marisa G. Franco explains in her book Platonic, feeling that fear is part of the price we have to pay for having strong social bonds. Within reason, Franco says, you should make yourself vulnerable, be authentic and generous, and, when there’s conflict with your friend, be open with them about it.
3. Become a better communicator
With every human relationship, effective communication is key, and we can all work at becoming better communicators. It starts with examining your own needs and feelings, and what you want from a particular friendship, and then expressing those needs and feelings clearly and accurately with the other person. It also means being a good listener, showing empathy, and being finely attuned to what they would like from you.
4. Don’t leave social organising to your partner
It’s a well-known fact women are better at maintaining strong friendships than men. In a recent interview with The Guardian, the counsellor and psychotherapist Adrian Wilson-Smith explained how men are often too preoccupied with other aspects of life — work, money and sport, for example — to manage their social lives. He says research unambiguously shows that “most heterosexual men look to their partners to do their social organising for them”. So he urges men in particular to be more socially proactive.
5. Set a recurring date
There is no set way to have a friendship. Some friends are happy to catch up on the phone or via videos, while others prefer to meet in real life. Some prefer regular contact, while others are happy to connect, say, once or twice a year. Whichever of those works best for you try reducing the friction by setting up a recurring date. That way you always have time together coming up.
6. Bring people together
One of the most effective ways to increase your feeling of connection is to bring people together. Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering is full of useful advice on how to do it well. Essentially, she says, you need to commit to a clear purpose for your get-together, and find ways to encourage people to show their authentic selves, perhaps by asking them to tell a story or playing a game.
CAN WE HELP?
If you’re thinking about retiring in the next five or ten years, why not why not get in touch with us? We at rockwealth understand that retirement planning is about far more than money, and we’re here to make your retirement as fulfilling as it possibly can be.
If we can’t help you, or feel you would be better speaking to someone else, we will be happy to point you in the right direction.
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